Worst first lines

We had a splendid good time talking about best first lines. But today my wife suggested I should also do a post about the worst first lines. Her nomination is pretty hard to beat – it's the opening sentence of a Katy Perry song called "Firework" (which Wikipedia describes as "a self-empowerment anthem with inspirational lyrics"). Here are the inspiring and self-empowering first lines:

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind,
Wanting to start again?

In just three lines, Katy Perry has achieved something that I never would have dreamed possible. She has managed to vulgarise that-than-which-nothing-more-vulgar-can-be-conceived: the plastic bag.

Brothers and sisters, until I heard those lines I was seriously tempted to believe in universal salvation. But I have turned aside from my errors: nobody who writes like that will inherit the kingdom of heaven.